Father, Barber, Dreamer, Castrator

A lovable loser with grand visions and small follow-through. He is inspired by “bel canto” and some dodgy “divine signs”. He genuinely believes he’s helping his sons, and humanity through art. He always believed he was destined for greatness, he compares himself to Leonardo da Vinci. He is terrified of being insignificant. Uses faith and “destiny” to justify his choices. He loves his family a lot, but in his own “messy way”. Ultimately, Giovanni wants immortality through greatness but overpromises, cuts corners and blames others for his failures.

Wife and Miserable Mum

When she married (the then thin) Giovanni, Carla had great dreams of social climbing. Things haven’t worked out, and now she projects her desires for success onto her son. A pushy parent, Carla is dominant, practical, and at times an emotionally volcanic in a classic manner of an Italian Woman. She knows exactly what’s happening and who is at fault. If needed, he hits Giovanni with a towel. She likes status, money and good food. More than anything, she fears poverty and shame.

Son of Giovanni & Carla

Salvatore’s parents want their awkward teenage son to be castrated so he can be a great success in the opera scene and bring glory, fame and wealth to his family. The problem is he cannot sing at all. He’s been expelled from the singing school, but every day he still leaves the house pretending to attend lessons and he does it because he doesn’t want to destroy his father. Ultimately he hates singing and always did. Introverted and intelligent, he wants to matter and fears being a mistake.

Baby

A naturally musical, innocent baby, Luca loves singing to his parents, Giovanni and Carla. For Giovanni, Luca is a “golden hope”, a “second chance”. Ultimately Luca wants love and doesn’t want to disappoint his parents. He also loves his pet cat Alfonso.

Family Cat & Opera Singer

A scheming male cat who pretends to be castrated, though he isn’t - keeping it secret. His voice is high-pitched and operatic. He is extremely promiscuous, philosophical when drunk, and manipulative to a Machiavellian level. Everyone understands him but nobody knows why.

The Italian Chorus

The Castrati singers at the singing school serve as a Greek (or Italian) chorus in the show. The main three guys are Lorenzo the Large, Tomasso the Tall, and Battista the Breasted (his breasts caused by the hormonal effects of having no balls). Together they are bitchy, competitive and ambitious.